Well i guess we'll see how long this lasts.
It was one of those moments when you just pause... you see something, could be an email, or website, or someone’s stupid mobile update, or even a comment someone makes on someone else’s facebook status.
But this time you really look even if its unrelated you just look. Then quite unexpectedly you undergo a bit of ill regret, embarrassment, or just something uncomfortable you can't quite name. A trigger goes off in your belly, some memory you’re certain you’d shoved deep down and denied. Some mistake you've made in the past. Some time, act, person, whatever it was, its an admittance, a facing off with that desire or impulse. At one time it was important you really fucking wanted, need, whatever it. Something back there you did, you felt, you followed, stalked and shook and considered (not with reason of course) and now... now... You are suddenly reminded of the whole bloody thing. A realization slips over you. What an epic fail that was. How could you have ever even in anyway and to still…. Just a little… oh you just sigh and rant and want to vomit. Anyway had one of those the other day.
Oh also I was Bruno and it was fucking vulgar and crass and ill and WONDERFULLY FUNNY!! I hate funny but for this... this was good. http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809922951/info
I like the visual of you as Bruno. I'm pretty sure you meant to type 'saw', but not nearly as funny. I don't know that I would like Bruno. I never saw Borat.
ReplyDeleteAs for the regret, my high-school heartbreak passed me on the way into Harry Potter and I had the same moment.
I actually had something happen today that brought a lot of those memories bubbling up. The trick is to tramp them back down before they're fully realized. "Back into the recesses with you! Back!"
ReplyDelete-Dan